You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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