her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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