So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I stole a fireplace last night.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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