the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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