my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
