Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
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