I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
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