Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
