so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
