Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Randomize
