About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
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