wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
