my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
