Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I am never drinking with the goths again.
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