Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
