Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Randomize
