O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Randomize
