Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
