I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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