You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
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