Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
