He is such a slut. More and more my type.
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
