I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Randomize
