Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
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