everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Of course I have a pirate flag
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
