i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
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