i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
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