my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
i would punch a child for taco bell
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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