She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
