too bad you live with your parents still
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Someone stole a lamp last night.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
