if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Randomize
