so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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