I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Randomize
