so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
