I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
