...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Randomize
