I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
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