I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
