You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
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