Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Randomize
