Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
