Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Randomize
