from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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