Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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