Rock
Scissors
Fuck
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Randomize
