Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
it was like eating out sand paper
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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