he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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