i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
