so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
