i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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