I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
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