still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
