I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
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